That's when you crack a 10am beer
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
