i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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