I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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