I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the day after is always just damage control
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
