i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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