awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
