matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
