I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
