I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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