I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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