what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
