that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
even my farts smell like vagina
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
