dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
