Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
