so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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