that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He better not be in your backpack
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
