I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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