I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
