If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think my moral compass just broke
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
