i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
