"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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