hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is Oprah even human
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
