I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
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