I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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