You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize