I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
