he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize