Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
