All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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