There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
