giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How external is "for external use only"?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
