I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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