I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
