Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
