I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
