She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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