Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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