dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
