he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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