new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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