He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
