I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
