Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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