I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize