There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I currently don't understand fingers.
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