I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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