the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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