I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
