There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Found your dick twin last night
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
