Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
