I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
