Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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