Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize