in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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