ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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