I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
40s are totally the cure
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
