I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
