whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
