We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
