yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
