I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize