I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
