Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
