he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
